What if I do Nothing?

i let the ball hit me during recess:
we were playing dodgeball, but i
didn’t move. i stood like a mannequin, except i
could think i wasn’t one.

i think of a lame excuse
why math reminds me of family: a triangle? a straight line?
still 180°. i don’t get it.
when they bring “sister” into a word problem, my sweat turns cold [a problem];
it’s algebra after all so what did i expect.
i act like nothing’s happening
& still
score zero: because i ain’t good at pretending –
math knows me so well.

so does dodgeball.
everytime i try to run away, i suddenly feel cowardly & then
she revisits my memory: how she ran into a moving bus, away
from something she could’ve crushed. same.
i’m running from a ball & feeling like an idiot.
it can’t kill me but why?
why is standing more frightening?

why is a blank test sheet even more scary than the wrong answers?
doing nothing should be easy.
i guess i’m not cut out for any.

Published by Akubudike Deborah

a very determined writer (poet and lyricist), hoping to change the world positively with writing, public speaking, spoken word poetry, music (songwriting), dancing, and lots more. let's encourage each other and live the life we deserve 😇😇.

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